doing the work ourselves
I’ve been training in martial arts for quite some time. It’s been a wonderful journey and martial arts plays a significant role in my life. For the most part, my experiences in martial arts have been positive, with that being said there are areas that simply irk me. One of these areas is the lack of accountability for instructors. I remember when I was younger and I trained at this kickboxing gym, the instructor would regularly ‘surprise’ and pretty much punish us with conditioning tasks such as ‘go for a 5k run and then do 100 sit-ups’. While as a teenager I enjoyed this, as I entered my 20’s this behaviour really started to frustrate me. The reason it frustrated me was because I never saw my instructor do the things he requested of us, all the while he held us accountable to the highest of standards. The reason I bring this story up is because accountability is essential, in any relationship.
This is why, in this program, and in our wider work, our belief is that we have to do work ourselves before we request it from others. It is with this intention that I am undertaking all tasks included in our curriculum for Punjabi men before requesting that they do it themselves. My hope is this will show commitment to our work, equally, this shared experience of the same journey will serve to establish and nourish connection with our cohort. One of the frameworks being used in our curriculum is the Social Identity Wheel. Broadly defined, ‘The Social Identity Wheel worksheet is an activity that encourages people to identify social identities and reflect on the various ways those identities become visible or more keenly felt at different times, and how those identities impact the ways others perceive or treat them.’ The way to undertake the task is by answering the 5 questions inside the wheel. For this month’s reflection, I decided to share my social identity wheel as a form of transparency and accountability.
Question 1:
Identities you think about most often?: The identities that I think about most often are my race, socio-economic status gender and religious affiliation. Reflecting back, when I am typically asked to introduce myself in a social setting, I always tend to say something like ‘I am a working-class immigrant lad’. The reason I tend to hyper-focus on race, socio-economic status and gender is because these are identities that have heavily shaped my behaviours. Equally, these identities, such a race, have played a significant role in how others perceive and ultimately treat me.
Identities you think about least often?: The identities that I think about least often are physical, emotional, developmental ability, sexual orientation and gender. The reason I tend to least about these identities is because these are areas where I carry quite a lot of privilege. For instance, I am an able-bodied person who doesn’t have a disability, hidden disability or a chronic illness. It is only recently, since my partner was diagnosed with MS and has become an pronounced disability activist that I have started having honest conversations about things such as ableism. Another observation from this question is understanding the role I play in having ableist views or assumptions, though not malicious, my privilege has shielded me from the lived experience of such folks. As a result, I have a lot to educate myself here.
Your own identities you would like to learn about more?: The identities I would like to learn more about are my religious or spiritual affiliation and physical, emotional, developmental ability. The reason I would like to learn more about my religious or spiritual affiliation is because it’s an area where I am hoping to attain a closeness to Sufism, something that has started to play a significant role in my life during the pandemic. The other area I would like to learn more about is physical, emotional, developmental ability. The reason I would like to learn more about this area is because, as mentioned, I hold a lot of privilege here. As a result, I would like to educate myself on my identity here so that I am aware and ultimately supporting folks who are experiencing oppression as a good ally.
Identities that have the strongest effect on how you perceive yourself: The identities that have the strongest effect on how I perceive myself are my race, socio-economic status gender and religious affiliation. The reason these identities are the key markers in my self-identity is because I felt their presence in my early years, as such they’ve been instrumental in me shaping my self-identity. Identities that have the greatest effect on how others perceive you: The identities that have the greatest effect on how others perceive me is my race and ethnicity. From a very young age I became hyper-aware of these two intersecting identities and how it led to the experience of racism. With that being said, my gender is also a key identity in how others perceive as I fall into the conventional appearance of a man.
