Joint Forum Blog: Heera Foundation and Taraki Punjabi Women’s Forum
On the 26th March, Heera Foundation’s Men’s Forum and Taraki’s Punjabi Women’s Forum joined forces to host a discussion in Birmingham. The conversation was centred around “What experiences have shaped your life as a Punjabi in the UK?”. The evening was filled with a range of perspectives, with people from all walks of life joining together to discuss the common denominator amongst all participants, being “Punjabi”.
The forum began with a discussion on what participant’s experiences have been as Punjabis living in the UK. Though some spoke about a sense of pride and strength in being Punjabi, and its interwoven values with simply being “a good person”, there were some who felt that they had spent time trying to hide their identity behind closed doors to better blend in with peers and societal norms. This lack of confidence in identity came hand in hand with a seemingly constant internal battle that many of us face when it comes to trying to figure out where we best fit in. This divide felt synonymous with where people had been raised in the UK, with those who grew up in predominantly white areas finding it harder to escape racial abuse and prejudices. On a broader scale, many also spoke about the internal battle when it comes to trying to figure out where we, as Punjabis, best fit in amongst society.
After addressing that some parts of Punjabi culture have likely been altered by colonialism, the conversation touched on how our culture has been washed down so that we can better fit in and adhere to cultural norms, which posed the conclusion that “British Punjabi culture” is most likely very different to Punjabi culture. Part of this encompasses the changes that have been made to try and escape racial abuse and prejudices, including the likes of abbreviating names, not wanting to talk about Punjabi events when asked about upcoming plans, like Gurudwara programmes or weddings, or even certain stereotypical foods, and feeling conflicted about following supposed stereotypes associated with Punjabis.
There was a gentle reminder that, while there is often an attempt to preserve the culture that has been brought over by our ancestors, we must remember that letting go and allowing for growth within our communities can often be positive. The curiosity that newer generations hold is powerful in allowing our culture to evolve, particularly when considering the culture that has been lost, or left behind in Punjab. By becoming more confident to sit with and explore our true selves and our culture, we welcome openness and the ability to talk about difficult topics within our community.
The conversation shifted to consider the expectations that we face within our culture. Ego, class, and pride were all listed as factors that still play a large part in external factors, whilst imposter syndrome and growing up with a “don’t cause a fuss, what will people think” mentality were seen as major internal factors. There was quickly a consensus that choices often receive different reactions depending on gender, with women often still expected to base many choices on how quickly they can get married, and on employment routes that allow for children. There was an interesting discussion around how perspectives are changing depending on how generations are dealing with experiences, where both learnt challenges but also the weight of expectations are being passed down.
The group spoke about the responsibility associated with attempting to look and act the part when representing a minority community, and how social media has only made it more desirable to be “different” when it’s the “acceptable type”. Working on cultivating confidence within our individual identities was seen to be an important part of overcoming imposter syndrome as well as dealing with external factors better. As had previously been touched upon, it was concluded that it’s not only your Punjabi background, but also where you have lived in England that can shape these factors.
The final point of topic for the evening was centred around anticipations for the future within the UK Punjabi community, and brought with it a buzz of hope. Our newer generations no longer need to focus on surviving: we should never have had to earn our place in this country and we are allowed to thrive however we would like to. There was recognition that the UK is relatively advanced compared to other countries, so we should use that to our advantage when considering how we want to strengthen our community. We have broken the stigma; now we need to determine the next step forwards.
Creating spaces where Punjabis can connect and interact - where they don’t have to worry about being “too brown for white friends, and too white for brown friends” - was seen to be a really important part of this. Included in this, an important point was raised around meeting elders in environments where they feel comfortable in order to encourage them to be more vulnerable in expressing thoughts and feelings. Equally, learning how to bridge gaps between varying Punjabi cultures, including across faith groups, was suggested as a way of building a better sense of community and remembering our roots.
The forum was brought to a close on a motivating note, with a reminder that the future is in motion already - and this is a good thing! This felt poignant in a room full of so many passionate people, who had allowed the conversation to flow so easily by bringing their honesty and openness to the space. The differences in background, upbringing, and exposures meant that the evening was inclusive of so many viewpoints, and people were as transparent about the segregation and divides that still exist amongst the culture as they were about all of the positives that come from our heritage. It was certainly a beautiful event to have attended, with lots of take-home messages; the team felt privileged to host such a wonderful group.
You can sign up to future forums here.
